I
inevitable suffering, sadness, and grief.
• • •often receive questions,” the Dalai Lama said, “from those whose dear
friend, or parent, or even child has passed away. They ask me, ‘What
should I do?’
“I share with them from my own experience. My beloved main
teacher, who gave me my monk’s ordination, died, and I was really grief-
stricken. While he was alive I always felt like he was a solid rock behind
me that I could lean on. I really felt very, very sad and full of grief when
he passed away.
“The way through the sadness and grief that comes from great loss is
to use it as motivation and to generate a deeper sense of purpose. When
my teacher passed away, I used to think that now I have even more
responsibility to fulfill his wishes, so my sadness translated into more
enthusiasm, more determination. I have told those who had lost their dear
friend or family member, It is very sad, but this sadness should translate
into more determination to fulfill their wishes. If the one you have lost
could see you, and you are determined and full of hope, they would be
happy. With the great sadness of the loss, one can live an even more
meaningful life.
“Sadness and grief are, of course, natural human responses to loss, but
if your focus remains on the loved one you have just lost, the experience
is less likely to lead to despair. In contrast, if your focus while grieving
remains mostly on yourself—‘What am I going to do now? How can I
cope?’—then there is a greater danger of going down the path of despair
and depression. So, again, so much depends on how we respond to our
experience of loss and sadness.”
The Dalai Lama mentioned the famous Buddhist story of the woman
who had lost her child and was inconsolable in her grief, carrying her
dead child throughout the land, begging for someone to help heal her
child. When she came to the Buddha, she begged him to help her. He told
her he could help her if she would collect mustard seeds for the medicine.