Runners

PHOTOGRAPH BY GALLO IMAGES/GETTY IMAGES38 RUNNER’S WORLD JULY 2018there are some who believe that by blockingour path, they’ll stop us from runningourselves into an early grave. What theydon’t understand is, that’s just a tempo run!It’s hell when we’re doing it, but it sure feelsheavenly afterwards, when all those feel-goodendorphin-whatchamacallits are zippingaround in our brains.There’s no way a pedestrianslow walk can get you that high.We runners wouldn’t be seendead not living our lives balls tothe wall!And contrary to what thenewspapers would have youbelieve, running isn’t bad for ourknees. They won’t spontaneouslycombust in 10 years’ time, and Iwon’t end up eating my words.But while I’m on the subject ofeating, each time I return from aparkrun, I’ve earned the right to### THE ONLY REASON I RAN THECOMRADES TWICE is because Isufered from the trots the first time. Ithought that if I ate a Durban curry two daysbefore race day, this would leave it withplenty of time to wheedle its way out of mysystem by the time I lined up at the start.As it turned out, I was full of the proverbial- both figuratively and literally. On the day, Ispent more time ducking in and out of porta-loos than I did running plus/minus 90km.Technically, I really did have ‘nothing left inme’, as they say, by the time I crossed the finishline. Except for some unfinished business. After a race there’s always a story in thelocal newspaper about how an unfortunaterunner has been caught by a security camera,crouching down to wee on a non-runner’sfront lawn when she thinks no-one’s looking.(Typically, the runner then loses her job and isexiled from the country.) And you never see us smiling in thephotographs they publish. That’s because ourglowering eyes, gritted teeth – and miserabledemeanour, in general – are aimed at anyobstacle that happens to stand in between usand running. And for good reason. Pedestrians walk slowly. They wavetheir arms around in elaborate gestures, and‘accidentally’ slap us across the face as we runpast – and then they have the nerve to followthis with an insincere apology. Yappy handbag accessories are attachedto the ends of unnecessarily long leashes,which become hazardous tripwires to theunsuspecting runner. Toddlers are allowed to ride their tricyclesall over the place, even though they’re tooyoung to have developed a sense of direction.And yet, every time, they manage to zig-zagtowards us like snotty heat-seeking missiles. Perhaps seeing photographs of us in thenewspaper, keeling over and hyperventilatingafter we’ve reached the gruesome end of a5-K race, does cause genuine concern; andBADPRESSWHAT THE NEWSPAPERSAREN’T TELLING YOUABOUT US RUNNERS ANDTHE REASONS WE RUN.BY LISA ABDELLAHeat indulgent food like pizza – and cake – safein the knowledge they can’t possibly make mefat. Whereas if I didn’t run I couldn’t even lookat a measly crumb of cake, because, well... allI’d have done is sit on my lazy arse!(Besides, I need cake to replace what I’veburned off by running. Which of these foodscontains more protein and carbohydrates: carrotcake, or an actual carrot? It’s a no-brainer.)Another annoying habit of ours, say thenewspapers and the haters, is our tendencyto turn the benign into the spectacular. Inrunning war stories a gentle breeze becomesa tornado; a drizzle becomes a thunderstorm,and a trip over a protruding wheel on atoddler’s tricycle becomes a death-defyingplummet over the edge of a clif.Take my Comrades-twice story, forinstance. If the first time was that bad, youmight think, why would Ideliberately drag myself 90kmall over again? But my tale wasless about how awful the racewas, and more about dustingmyself of and trying again.Because one of the thingsthe papers don’t tell you aboutus runners is that we’re neversatisfied. And the fact we’realways thinking about our nextgoal makes us determined andfocused folks, who can – and do- achieve awesome things.Lisa Abdellahis a badass runnerin the morning, afreelance journalist byday, and at night shelikes to think she’s awine connoisseur.### THE NORTHERN RUNNER“I spent moretime ducking inand out of porta-``````loos than I didrunning...”