Advanced Mindfulness Skills 91open manhole as soon as he starts walking down that street. And on the fifth day, he chooses to
walk down a different street in order to avoid the problem completely. Obviously, learning how to
use radical acceptance will take you longer than five days, but the process of falling into the same
judgmental traps will happen in a very similar way.
Below are several exercises to help you develop a nonjudgmental attitude and to use the skill
of radical acceptance. But before you start, let’s clarify radical acceptance a little more, because it
can often be a confusing concept for many people. To use radical acceptance does not mean that
you silently put up with potentially harmful or dangerous situations in your life. For example, if you
are in a violent or abusive relationship and you need to get out, then get out. Don’t put yourself
in harm’s way and simply tolerate whatever happens to you. Radical acceptance is a skill that is
supposed to help you live a healthier life; it is not a tool to fill your life with more suffering.
However, there’s no doubt that it will be tough to start using radical acceptance because it
will require you to think about yourself, your life, and other people in a new way. But once you start
using radical acceptance, you’ll find that it actually gives you more freedom. You’ll no longer spend
as much time judging yourself and others, and so you’ll be free to do many other things instead.
Radical acceptance is one of the most important tools to learn in dialectical behavior therapy, and
it’s definitely worth the effort.
Exercise: Negative Judgments
The first step to changing a problem is to recognize when that problem occurs. So to begin chang-
ing your judgmental thinking, the first step is to recognize when you’re being judgmental and criti-
cal. On page 87 is a Negative Judgments Record. For the next week, do your best to keep track
of all the negative judgments and criticisms that you make. This includes those you make about
things you read in the newspaper or see on television, judgments you make about yourself and
other people, and so on. Make photocopies of the Negative Judgments Record if you need to, and
keep one folded in your pocket so that you can record your judgments as soon as you recognize
that you’re making them. If you decide that you’re only going to write down your negative judg-
ments once a day, such as before you go to sleep, the process of learning radical acceptance will
take longer. At the end of the day, you might forget many of the negative judgments that you’ve
made.
In order to remind yourself to write down your negative judgments, it might help to give
yourself visual reminders. Some people have found that wearing something special to remind them,
like a new ring or a bracelet, prods their memories to write down their judgments. Other people
put up sticky notes around their home and office with the word “judgments” written on them.
Use whatever works best for you. Do this exercise for at least one week, or until you recognize
that you’re starting to catch yourself in the moment when you’re making negative judgments. Keep
track of when you made the judgment, where you were, and what the negative judgment was. Use
the following example to help you.
(NOTE: When you have completed a Negative Judgments Record, keep it to use in the Judgment
Defusion exercise later in this chapter.)