94 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE AND BEGINNER’S MIND
Now that you’ve recognized many of your negative judgments, you’re closer to using full radical
acceptance. Remember, radical acceptance means that you observe situations in your life without
judging or criticizing yourself or others. In the previous exercise, you focused on recognizing your
negative judgments because they are usually the easiest ones to spot. But positive judgments can
also be problematic.
Remember the example of Thomas we recently gave you? He divided everyone into two
categories: either all good or all bad. He liked people when they were good, but when they did
something to upset him, he got angry and labeled them “bad.” So do you see how making even
positive judgments about people or things can be problematic? When you think of someone (or
something) with a rigid and predetermined idea of how that person is going to treat you, then
it’s easy to become disappointed, because no one (and nothing) is perfect. Presidents sometimes
lie, religious people sometimes gamble, things that we like sometimes break, and people we trust
sometimes hurt us. As a result, when you put someone into a category of being 100 percent good,
trustworthy, saintly, wholesome, or honest, it’s very easy to get disappointed.
But this doesn’t mean that you should never trust anyone. What radical acceptance says is
that you should approach people and situations in your life without judging them to be good or
bad, positive or negative. In some forms of meditation, this is called beginner’s mind (Suzuki, 2001).
This means that you should enter every situation and every relationship as if you were seeing it
for the very first time. This reoccurring newness prevents you from bringing any old judgments
(good or bad) into the present moment, which allows you to stay more mindful. Plus, by keeping
the situation fresh, it also helps you stay in better control of your emotions. As a result, it’s easy to
see why one of the goals of dialectical behavior therapy is to help you stop making any judgments
at all, either positive or negative (Linehan, 1993b).
Exercise: Beginner’s Mind
In the following exercise, you’ll practice using radical acceptance and beginner’s mind. This exer-
cise is similar to the last one, but now you will need to be aware of both the positive and negative
judgments that you make. Again, if you need to use visual reminders to help you remember to
write down your judgments, use whatever works for you: a bracelet, a ring, a sticky note with the
word “judgment” on it, and so on.
Do this exercise for at least one week or until you recognize that you’re starting to catch
yourself in the moments when you’re making both positive and negative judgments. Keep track of
when you made the judgment, where you were, and what the positive or negative judgment was.