106 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
an example: Judith had a math teacher who assigned homework that Judith thought was too hard.
“This is ridiculous,” she thought to herself. “How unfair of him to give us these assignments. This
is wrong; he shouldn’t be allowed to do this. I’m not going to do the homework.” So she didn’t. But
as a result, she failed the class. Judith’s judgments about what was “right” and “wrong” prevented
her from doing what was effective. Clearly, it would have been more beneficial to her if she had
remained mindful of her thoughts and feelings, avoided judging the assignments, and just done
the best that she could.
Doing what’s effective is doing what is necessary in a given situation in order to get a resolu-
tion to a problem. Doing what’s effective isn’t “selling out,” “giving up,” or “caving in.”
Doing what’s effective is a skill, just like acting. Sometimes in order to get what you want,
you have to behave in a certain way. Sometimes you have to act as if you are competent, skilled,
or satisfied in order to reach your goal, even if you don’t feel that way. And that’s what effective
actions are designed to do—help you reach your goals. In the example above, Judith’s goal was to
get a satisfactory grade in her math class. But she allowed her judgments and feelings to prevent
her from reaching that goal.
Remember, in order to do what’s effective, you have to do the following:
Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Avoid judging the situation or your actions. Choose actions that are appropriate and necessary to reach your goal. Do the best you can.BEING MINDFuL IN YOuR DAILY LIFE
Now that you’ve almost completed these two chapters on mindfulness skills, you probably recognize
the benefits of being mindful in your daily life. But to be realistic, no one is mindful all the time.
There will certainly be moments in your life when you’ll forget to be mindful. So what should you
do?
In his book Living the Mindful Life: A Handbook for Living in the Present Moment, psychologist
Charles Tart (1994, p. 13) remarks: “It does not take a really strenuous effort to make yourself
become mindful and more present. The effort is very small. The problem is remembering to do it!
We forget all the time. It is not hard, but we just do not remember to do it.” So how should you
remember to be mindful? Throughout his book, Dr. Tart uses a bell that rings at random times to
remind the reader to be mindful of how he or she is thinking and feeling. But if you don’t want to
use a random bell, there are other ways to remind yourself. In some of the exercises in this chapter,
you might have used a special ring or bracelet to remind yourself. Or maybe you used sticky notes.
If those tools helped you, continue to use them to remind yourself to stay mindful.
However, the best way to continue to stay mindful in your daily life is to practice being
mindful. The more you practice, the more you will remember to stay mindful. As part of the last