chapter 6
Basic Emotion Regulation Skills
YOuR EMOTIONS: WHAT ARE THEY?
To put it simply, emotions are signals within your body that tell you what’s happening. When
something pleasurable is happening to you, you feel good; when something distressing is happening
to you, you feel bad. In many ways, your emotions are like an instant news service that gives you
constant updates about what you’re doing and what you’re experiencing.
Your initial reactions to what is happening to you are called primary emotions. These are
strong feelings that come on quickly, that don’t involve having to think about what’s happening.
For example, if you won a contest, you might instantaneously feel surprised. When someone you
care about dies, you quickly feel sad. When someone does something that offends you, you might
immediately feel angry.
But in addition to experiencing primary emotions, it’s also possible to experience second-
ary emotions. These are emotional reactions to your primary emotions. Or to put it another way,
secondary emotions are feelings about your feelings (Marra, 2005). Here’s a simple example. Erik
yelled at his sister because she did something that made him feel angry. His feeling of anger came
on very quickly. But a little later he felt guilty about getting so angry with her. Anger was his
primary emotion, and guilt was his secondary emotion.
However, it’s also possible that you can experience numerous secondary emotions in response
to a single primary emotion. Here’s a more complicated example. Shauna became anxious when
she was asked to make a future presentation at work. As the day drew closer, she became depressed
as she thought about how anxious she was getting, and then she started to feel worthless that she
couldn’t make a simple presentation. Then, the day after the presentation, she started to feel guilty
that she had made such a big deal about it in the first place. You can see how a person’s emotions
can get very complicated very quickly. Anxiety was Shauna’s primary emotion, and depression,
worthlessness, and guilt were all her secondary emotions in response to her anxiety.