Basic Emotion Regulation Skills 123barking viciously and running toward her. In that instant, an emotional signal was sent from
her eyes and ears to her brain. Her limbic system then processed the information without Louise
having to think about what to do. This type of response is called fight or flight, and it determined
if Louise was going to stay to fight the dog or run away. Wisely, she chose to run away, and she
escaped without being harmed. Her emotions helped her survive and avoid any pain.
Now let’s suppose that two weeks later she was once again walking through town when she
started to turn down Main Street. Very quickly, she began to feel afraid. This is called a conditioned
response. Louise’s limbic system was trying to protect her by helping her remember the dangerous
dog on Main Street. Sensibly, she chose to walk down a different street to avoid the dog. In this
example, Louise’s emotions initially helped her escape danger and pain, and later, they also helped
her avoid potential harm.
Here’s another example of how emotions work. Sheila was walking through town when she
suddenly saw Courtney, a good friend from many years before. Immediately, Sheila felt happy.
When Courtney saw Sheila, she smiled right away. Sheila noticed her smile and thought, “She
must be happy to see me too.” So Sheila smiled as well. The two women quickly reconnected and
made plans to do something together in the near future. The encounter made both women feel
happy that they’d met accidentally after so many years.
In this example, the smile was an act of communication for both women. It helped each
person recognize how the other person was feeling. If Courtney had frowned and looked the other
way when she saw Sheila, Sheila would have recognized the expression as one of disgust and would
probably have avoided contact with her. Every person, no matter what their culture, has the ability
to express emotions in the same way and to recognize emotional expressions in other people. A
smile is a smile no matter where you were born.
These are just two very simple examples, but you can see that emotions serve many purposes.
Emotions are signals that help you to do the following:
Survive (“fight or flight”). Remember people and situations. Cope with situations in your daily life. Communicate with others. Avoid pain. Seek pleasure.WHAT ARE EMOTION REGuLATION SKILLS?
As you’ve already learned, emotion regulation skills will help you cope with your reactions to your
primary and secondary emotions in new and more effective ways. (Remember, you can’t always
control what you feel, but you can control how you react to those feelings.) These are some of the