126 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
with what you actually do, the results can be cause for hope. If you can control some
urges, chances are good that you can control other urges too. In this example, Ling had
the urge to do two things that would have been very dangerous and deadly: hit her
husband and kill herself to end her pain. Thankfully, she didn’t do either one, which
later gave her hope that she could control other urges as well.5. What did you do and say? This is where you identify what you actually did as a result
of your emotions. In this example, Ling locks herself in her bathroom and begins to
mutilate herself. She also yells at her husband and calls him a “worthless drunk.”6. How did your emotions and actions affect you later? Here you can identify the longer-term
consequences of what you felt and did. In Ling’s example, she oversleeps for work the
next morning since she forgets to set her alarm, and she is disciplined by her boss, which
puts her job at risk.Exercise: Recognizing Your Emotions
On the next page is an example of the Recognizing Your Emotions Worksheet with Ling’s experi-
ence filled in. On the following page, there’s a blank worksheet for you to fill in an example from
your own life. Before you use the blank worksheet, make photocopies of it so that you can continue
to use it in the future. Or simply write the headings on a clean sheet of paper to make your own
worksheet.
For now, use the worksheet to examine an emotional incident from your recent past. Pick
a situation that you can clearly remember. Do your best to identify your primary and secondary
emotions. And remember, be as honest as you can with yourself. No one has to see this worksheet
except for you.
Then, for at least the next two weeks, pick a situation that happens to you each day and
examine it using the Recognizing Your Emotions Worksheet. Remember, you need to practice
examining past situations so that you can later learn how to identify your emotions and their
consequences while they are happening.