The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety

132 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

OvERCOMING THE BARRIERS TO HEALTHY EMOTIONS

Now that you’ve started to recognize your emotions more fully, hopefully you’re also noticing how
your emotions can influence your behaviors and thoughts. Please look carefully at the following
diagram.

Emotions

Thoughts Behaviors

This diagram depicts how your emotions can influence your thoughts and behaviors and also how
your emotions can be affected by your thoughts and behaviors. For example, Jim lost his favorite
watch (a behavior). He felt sad (an emotion), and then he thought to himself, “I’m so absentminded;
I’m an idiot” (a thought). But this thought just made him feel more depressed (an emotion), so he
went home and got drunk (a behavior) and later felt ashamed (an emotion). Do you see how your
emotions can be both the result and the cause of your thoughts and behaviors?
This can become a vicious cycle for your emotions if you get caught in self-destructive behav-
iors or self-critical thinking. But this cycle can also lead to more fulfilling emotional experiences if
you engage in healthy behaviors and self-affirming thoughts. For example, maybe after Jim lost his
watch (a behavior) and felt sad (an emotion), he could have used a coping thought like “Mistakes
happen; nobody’s perfect.” Then he might have been able to forgive himself for his mistake (another
thought) and continue his day, feeling at ease (an emotion). Or after feeling sad about losing his
watch, maybe he could have gone for a long walk (a behavior), which would have made him feel
refreshed (an emotion). There were many coping thoughts and behaviors Jim could have used to
prevent getting caught in a cycle of distressing emotions.

EMOTIONS AND YOuR BEHAvIORS

Clearly, your emotions and your behaviors are strongly linked, and, not surprisingly, stronger emo-
tions often lead to bigger behavioral reactions. As a result, many people with overwhelming feelings
also struggle with out-of-control behaviors. People with overwhelming emotions often do many self-
destructive things when they feel angry, depressed, or anxious. They cut or mutilate themselves,
manipulate others (which often leads to fights and destructive relationships), overeat, undereat,
drink alcohol excessively, and use street drugs. Obviously, these types of behaviors are harmful to
everyone who’s involved. Yet people who engage in these behaviors often do them repeatedly. So
the question remains: why do people do these types of things? The answer lies in your emotions.
Let’s start with the basics: many behaviors are repeated because they are rewarded. A person
goes to work for the reward of a paycheck. A student goes to school for the reward of a degree.
People play sports for the reward of competing. A musician plays an instrument for the reward of