146 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
OBSERvING YOuRSELF WITHOuT JuDGING YOuRSELF
As you can see from the previous exercise, self-destructive behaviors can only offer you temporary
relief. In the long term, they are all more damaging to yourself and others. For this reason, it’s
important that you begin to notice what the rewards are for all of your behaviors, but especially
the self-destructive ones.
But at the same time, also remember that you shouldn’t criticize or judge yourself if you
discover unhealthy rewards reinforcing your behaviors. Remember that the principle on which
dialectical behavior therapy is based states that two apparently contradictory things can both be
true. The most important dialectic is accepting yourself without judgment while simultaneously
changing destructive behaviors so you can live a healthier life (Linehan, 1993a). It’s not wrong to
admit that some of your behaviors need to be changed; you can still be a good, kind, and loving
person. Your behaviors probably exist as they do because you were never taught how to deal with
your overwhelming and distressing emotions in any other way. If you had been shown a healthier
way to deal with your emotions, you’d probably do it, wouldn’t you? That’s what the skills in this
workbook are all about—teaching you healthier ways to cope with your feelings.
REDuCING YOuR COGNITIvE vuLNERABILITY
You’ve already learned how your thoughts influence how you feel. Remember Jim who lost his
watch? He originally thought, “I’m so absentminded; I’m an idiot,” which just made him feel
worse about what he had done. This type of thought is called a trigger thought (McKay, Rogers, &
McKay, 2003) because it triggers, or causes, emotional pain and suffering. If you frequently dwell
on trigger thoughts, you probably experience overwhelming emotions more frequently than other
people. However, we all have trigger thoughts that pop up from time to time. The goal of develop-
ing emotion regulation skills is to learn what to do with those thoughts when they do come up.
Some of these thoughts are criticisms that we were told when we were children by our parents,
guardians, teachers, and others. But other trigger thoughts are self-criticisms that we use to insult
ourselves or make our lives more difficult.
Below are several trigger thoughts that often cause a person to feel emotionally distressed.
Check () any of them that you use, and then write any additional trigger thoughts in the space
provided. If you have trouble remembering a trigger thought that you use, think of the last time
you felt upset, angry, sad, depressed, worried, or anxious, and then remember the thoughts you had
that made you feel worse. These are your trigger thoughts. Here are some examples:
“I’m an idiot/jerk/moron/ .”“I can’t do anything right.”“I’m a failure.”