Basic Emotion Regulation Skills 149After you do, also start to become aware of the thoughts that you’re having. Start to observe the
thoughts that are coming up, whatever they are. Don’t try to stop your thoughts, and do your best not to
criticize yourself for any of the thoughts. Just watch the thoughts arise, and then, using whatever technique
you’ve chosen, watch the thoughts disappear.
If any of your thoughts is a trigger thought, just note to yourself that you’re having a trigger thought,
observe any emotion that it brings up, and then let the thought and emotion go past, by whatever means
you’ve chosen, without getting stuck on them and without analyzing them.
Whatever the thought or emotion is, big or small, important or unimportant, watch it arise in your
mind and then let it float away or disappear by whichever means you’ve chosen.
Keep breathing slowly, in and out, as you watch your thoughts and emotions float away.
When you notice distressing emotions arising in you because of your thoughts, let them float past
in your imagination.
Just continue to watch the thoughts and feelings arise and disappear. Use pictures or words to rep-
resent your thoughts and feelings, whatever works best for you. Do your best to watch the thoughts and
related feelings arise and disappear without getting hooked into them and without criticizing yourself.
If more than one thought or feeling comes up at the same time, see them both arise and disappear.
If the thoughts and feelings come very quickly, do your best to watch them all disappear without getting
hooked onto any of them.
Continue to breathe and watch the thoughts and feelings come and go until your timer goes off.
When you’ve finished, take a few slow, long breaths, and then slowly open your eyes and return
your focus to the room.
Using Coping Thoughts
Coping thoughts are designed to soothe your emotions when you’re in a distressing situation.
They are statements that remind you of your strength, your past successes, and some commonly
held truths. Do you remember what happened to Jim when he lost his watch? Originally, he
thought, “I’m so absentminded; I’m an idiot,” which made him feel depressed. But then he used
the coping thought “Mistakes happen; nobody’s perfect,” and he was able to feel more at ease.
You already learned about using self-encouraging coping thoughts in chapter 2, Advanced Distress
Tolerance Skills, but they’re so important for helping you regulate your emotions that they need to
be repeated here. In the following List of Coping Thoughts, you’ll find many coping thoughts that
you can use to remind yourself of your strength and your past successes when you find yourself in
a distressing situation.
Find a few coping thoughts that you consider powerful and motivating, or create your own.
Then write them on a note card and keep them with you in your wallet to remind yourself of them
when you’re in a distressing situation. Or put them on sticky notes and post them in spots where
you can see them on a regular basis, like on your refrigerator or mirror. The more often you see
these soothing and self-affirming thoughts, the quicker they’ll become an automatic part of your
thought process.