Basic Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills 189Example: It’s important to me to hear that someone I love is hurting.When you compare the two lists, assess whether you’re using interpersonal strategies that
violate your values. Which core values do you disregard most frequently? How are your relation-
ships impacted when you violate your values?
In the next chapter, you will learn interpersonal strategies that will help you be effective while
at the same time preserving your self-respect.
BLOCKS TO uSING INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
Despite how diligent you are about using your new interpersonal skills, there will still be many
obstacles along the way that might temporarily block the success of your relationships. But don’t
worry—identifying these obstacles is half the battle. Once you know what they are, you can prepare
to overcome them. Here are some of the most common blocks to using interpersonal skills:
Old habits—of the aggressive kind Old habits—of the passive kind Overwhelming emotion Failure to identify your needs Fear Toxic relationships Mythsold Habits—of the Aggressive Kind
In your family of origin, you observed how people solved interpersonal problems, and you
began to model your own behavior on what you saw. If members of your family dealt with conflict
using anger, blame, or withdrawal, these are the strategies you may have learned to use as well.
Techniques for influencing others that utilize fear, shame, or hurtful psychological pressure
are called aversive strategies. There are eight of them: