102 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS
Retrace Your Path
To slow down the lightning-quick storytelling process and the
subsequent flow of adrenaline, retrace your Path to Action-one
element at a time. This calls for a bit of mental gymnastics. First
you have to stop what you're currently doing. Then you have to
get in touch with why you're doing it. Here's how to retrace your
path:
- [Act] Notice your behavior. Ask:
Am I in some form of silence or violence?- [Feel] Get in touch with your feelings.
What emotions are encouraging me to act this way?- [Tell story] Analyze your stories.
What story is creating these emotions?- [See/hear] Get back to the facts.
What evidence do I have to support this story?By retracing your path one element at a time, you put yourself
in a position to think about, question, and change anyone or
more of the elements.
Notice Your BehaviorWhy would you stop and retrace your Path to Action in the first
place? Certainly if you're constantly stopping what you're doing
and looking for your underlying motive and thoughts, you won't
even be able to put on your shoes without thinking about it for
who knows how long. You'll die of analysis paralysis.
Actually, you shouldn't constantly stop and question your
actions. If you Learn to Look (as we suggested in Chapter 4) and
note that you yourself are slipping into silence or violence, you
have good reason to stop and take stock.