STATE MY PATH 125example, Carole found the credit card invoice. That's a fact. She
then told a story-Bob's having an affair. Next, she felt betrayed
and horrified. Finally, she attacked Bob-"I should never have
married you!" The whole interaction was fast, predictable, and
very ugly.
What if Carole took a different route-one that started with
facts? What if she were able to suspend the ugly story she told her
self (perhaps think of an alternative story) and then start her con
versation with the facts? Wouldn't that be a safer way to go?
"Maybe," she muses, "there is a good reason behind all of this.
Why don't I start with the suspicious bill and then go from there?"
If she started there, she'd be right. The best way to share your
view is to follow your Path to Action from beginning to end
the same way you traveled it (Figure 7-1). Unfortunately, when
we're drunk on adrenaline, our tendency is to do precisely the
opposite. Since we're obsessing on our emotions and stories,
that's what we start with. Of course, this is the most controver
sial, least influential, and most insulting way we could begin.
To make matters worse, this strategy creates still another self
fulfilling prophecy. We're so anxious to blurt out our ugly stories
See! Tell a Feel
Hear --... Story --...Figure 7-1. The Path to Action