STATE MY PATH 127able, rational, and decent person could end up with the story
we're carrying. That's all.
When we start with shocking or offensive conclusions ("Quit
groping me with your eyes!" or "I think we should declare bank
ruptcy"), we actually encourage others to tell Villain Stories
about us. Since we've given them no facts to support our con
clusion, they make up reasons we're saying these things. They're
likely to believe we're either stupid or evil.
So if your goal is to help others see how a reasonable, ration
al, and decent person could think what you're thinking, start
with your facts.
And if you aren't sure what your facts are (your story is
absolutely filling your brain), take the time to think them
through before you enter the crucial conversation. Take the time
to sort out facts from conclusions. Gathering the facts is the
homework required for crucial conversations.
Facts are the least insulting. If you do want to share your
story, don't start with it. Your story (particularly if it has led to a
rather ugly conclusion) could easily surprise and insult others. It
could kill safety in one rash, ill-conceived sentence.
BRIAN: I'd like to talk to you about your leadership style.
You micromanage me, and it's starting to drive me nuts.
FERNANDO: What? I ask you if you're going to be done on
time and you lay into me with ...
If you start with your story (and in so doing, kill safety), you
may never actually get to the facts.
Begin your path with fa cts. In order to talk about your stories,
you need to lead the others involved down your Path to Action.
Let them experience your path from the beginning to the end,
and not from the end to-well, to wherever it takes you. Let oth
ers see your experience from your point of view-starting with