Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

128 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

your facts. This way, when you do talk about what you're start­
ing to conclude, they'll understand why. First the facts, then the
story-and then make sure that as you explain your story, you
tell it as a possible story, not as concrete fact.

BRIAN: Since I started work here, you've asked to meet with

me twice a day. That's more than with anyone else. You

have also asked me to pass all of my ideas by you before I

include them in a project. [The fa cts]

FERNANDO: What's your point?

BRIAN: I'm not sure that you're intending to send this mes­

sage, but I'm beginning to wonder if you don't trust me.

Maybe you think I'm not up to the job or that I'll get

you into trouble. Is that what's going on? [The possible

story]

FERNANDO: Really, I was merely trying to give you a chance

to get my input before you got too far down the path on a

project. The last guy I worked with was constantly taking

his project to near completion only to learn that he'd left

out a key element. I'm trying to avoid surprises.

Earn the right to share your story by starting with your facts.
Facts lay the groundwork for all delicate conversations.

leI! Your Story

Sharing your story can be tricky. Even if you've started with your
facts, the other person can still become defensive when you
move from facts to stories. After all, you're sharing potentially
unflattering conclusions and judgments.
Why share your story in the first place? Because the facts
alone are rarely worth mentioning. It's the facts plus the conclu­
sion that call for a face-to-face discussion. In addition, if you