STATE MY PATH 131Be careful not to apologize for your views. Remember, the
goal of Contrasting is not to water down your message, but to be
sure that people don't hear more than you intend. Be confident
enough to share what you really want to express.
Ask for Others' Paths
We mentioned that the key to sharing sensitive ideas is a blend
of confidence and humility. We express our confidence by shar
ing our facts and stories clearly. We demonstrate our humility by
then asking others to share their views.
So once you've shared your point of view-facts and stories
alike-invite others to do the same. If your goal is to learn rather
than to be right, to make the best decision rather than to get your
way, then you'll be willing to hear other views. By being open to
learning we are demonstrating humility at its best.
For example, ask yourself: "What does the schoolteacher
think?" "Is your boss really intending to micromanage you?" "Is
your spouse really having an affair?"
To find out others' views on the matter, encourage them to
express their facts, stories, and feelings. Then carefully listen to
what they have to say. Equally important, be willing to abandon
or reshape your story as more information pours into the Pool of
Shared Meaning.
The "How" Skills
Ialk Tentatively
If you look back at the vignettes we've shared so far, you'll note
that we were careful to describe both facts and stories in a ten
tative way. For example, "I was wondering why ... "
Ta lking tentatively simply means that we tell our story as a
story rather than disguising it as a fact. "Perhaps you were