Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

STATE MY PATH 133

to be clinically uncertain. Use language that says you're sharing an

opinion, not language that says you're a nervous wreck.

A "Good" Story-The Goldilocks Test

To get a feel for how to best share your story, making sure that

you're neither too hard nor too soft, consider the following

examples:

To o soft: "This is probably stupid, but ... "

To o hard: "How come you ripped us off?"

lust right: "It's starting to look like you're taking this home for

your own use. Is that right?"

To o soft: "I'm ashamed to even mention this, but ... "

To o hard: "Just when did you start using hard drugs?"

Just right: "It's leading me to conclude that you're starting to use
drugs. Do you have another explanation that I'm missing
here?"

To o so ft : "It's probably my fault, but ... "

To o hard: "You wouldn't trust your own mother to make a one­

minute egg!"

Just right: "I'm starting to feel like you don't trust me. Is that

what's going on here? If so, I'd like to know what I did to

lose your trust."

To o so ft : "Maybe I'm just oversexed or something, but ... "

Too hard: "If you don't find a way to pick up the frequency, I'm

walking."

lust right: "I don't think you're intending this, but I'm beginning

to feci rejected."