Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

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group. This doesn't mean that people don't take into account

personalities or strength of desire (deferring to those who care

a great deal when you don't care all that much, for instance).

It simply means that the future of your family or organization

shouldn't come down to the flip of a coin.

• Don't engage in postdecision lobbying. Consensus decisions
  should be made out in the open and as an entire group.
  Withholding your reservations and then approaching individu­
  als after the discussion is both inefficient and disloyal. If you
  have an issue, bring it up in front of the group. Leave unhealthy
  alliances, dirty deals, and secret discussions to people who are
  on reality game shows. They can afford to abuse one another,
  take their winnings, and then go their separate ways. With fam­
  ilies and work groups, you stay together long after the ugly
  behavior and you suffer the long-term consequences.


• Don't say «[ told you so. " Nothing is quite so annoying as
  having someone agree on a choice (his or her second choice,
  perhaps) and then cry, "I told you so!" when it doesn't work
  out. Once you've decided on something as a group, support
  the idea-not even when it fails, but particularly when it fails.
  There's no room for fair-weather family members or team­
  mates. Show character. When an idea doesn't work out, own
  the failure together.

Advice for the Time-Bound

There are times when you know you should involve others in a
decision, but you absolutely have to make a decision by a certain
time. Tn these cases, consider selecting a fallback decision-making
plan.
For example, you could announce: "We have a critical deci­
sion 10 make that affects all of us, and it must be made by ten