Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

YEAH, BUT 211

longer you go without saying anything, the greater the pain when
you finally deliver the message.

The Solution

Use Contrasting. Explain that you don't want to hurt the person's
feelings, but you do want to share something that could be help­
ful. Establish Mutual Purpose. Let the other person know your
intentions are honorable. Also explain that you're reluctant to
bring up the issue because of its personal nature, but since the
problem is interfering with the person's effectiveness, you really
must. Tentatively describe the problem. Don't play it up or pile
it on. Describe the specific behaviors and then move to solu­
tions. Although these discussions are never easy, they certainly
don't have to be offensive or insulting.

WORD GAMES

'IYEAH,

BUT. ..

MY CHILDREN are constantly playing word games. If I

try to tell them that they shouldn't have done some­

thing, they say I never told them exactly that. Th ey're

starting to get on my nerves."

The Danger Point

Sometimes parents (and leaders) are tricked into accepting poor
performance by silver-tongued individuals who are infinitely
creative in coming up with new ways to explain why they didn't
know any better. Not only do these inventive people have the
ability to conjure up creative excuses, but they also have the
energy and will to do so incessantly. Eventually they wear you
down. As a result, they get away with doing less or doing it