32 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONSIf she's like most of us, Greta will defend herself. When we're
in the throes of high-stakes conversations, new (and less healthy)
motives often supplant our original, more noble ones. If you are
standing in front of a potentially hostile crowd, it's a good bet
you will change your original goal to the new goal of protecting
your public image.
"Excuse me," you might respond. "I don't think that my new
office is an appropriate topic for this forum."
Bang. You're dead. In one fell swoop you've lost buy-in,
destroyed any hope for candor in this particular conversation,
and confirmed everyone's suspicion that you want honesty-but
only as long as it makes you look good.FIRST, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU REAllY WANT
In reality, Greta didn't give in to her raging desire to defend her
self. After being accused of not following her own advice, at first
she looked surprised, embarrassed, and maybe even a little
upset. Then she took a deep breath and said: "You know what?
We need to talk about this. I'm glad you asked the question. It'll
give us a chance to discuss what's really going on."
And then Greta talked turkey. She explained that she felt the
office was necessary but admitted that she had no idea what it
would cost. So she sent someone to check the numbers.
Meanwhile, she explained that building the office was a response
to marketing's advice to boost the company's image and improve
client confidence. And while Greta would use the office, it would
be primarily a hosting location for marketing. When she saw the
fi gures for the office, Greta was stunned and admitted that she
should have checked the costs before signing a work order. So
then and there she committed to drawing up a new plan that
would cut costs by half or canceling the project entirely.