SELF-CONTROL 507My conscience pointed an accusing finger at me. I knew that not only
had I been defeated but, what was worse, I knew that I was the aggressor
and I was in the wrong, which only served to intensify my humiliation.
Not only did my conscience point an accusing finger at me, but
it placed some very embarrassing thoughts in my mind; it mocked
me and it tantalized me. There I stood, a boasted student of advanced
psychology, an exponent of the Golden Rule philosophy, having at
least a fair acquaintance with the works of Shakespeare, Socrates,
Plato, Emerson, and the Bible. And facing me stood a man who knew
nothing of literature or of philosophy, but who had, despite this lack
of knowledge, whipped me in a battle of words.
I turned and went back to my office as rapidly as I could go. There
was nothing else for me to do. As I began to think the matter over, I
saw my mistake, but, true to nature, I was reluctant to do what I knew
must be done to right the wrong. I knew I would have to apologize
to that man before I could place myself at peace in my own heart,
much less with him. Finally, I made up my mind to go back down to
the basement and suffer this humility which I knew I had to undergo.
The decision was not easily reached, nor did I reach it quickly.
I started down, but I walked more slowly than I had when I went
down the first trip. I was trying to think how I would make the second
approach so as to suffer the least humiliation possible.
When I got to the basement I called to the janitor to come over
to the door. In a calm, kindly tone of voice he asked: "What do you
wish this time?"
I informed him that I had come back to apologize for the wrong I
had done, if he would permit me to do so. Again that smile spread all
over his face as he said: "For the love of the Lord, you don't have to
apologize. Nobody heard you except these four walls and you and me. I
ain't going to tell it and I know you ain't going to tell it, so just forget it:'
And that remark hurt more than his first one, for he had not only
expressed a willingness to forgive me, but he had actually indicated