A Walk in the Woods

Another pause. "Might be."
"And how much would it be to take us twenty miles?"
"Dunno."
I looked at the receiver. "Excuse me, but I just have to say this. You are more stupid
than a paramecium."
Then I hung up.
"Maybe not my place to say," Katz offered thoughtfully, "but I'm not sure that's the
best way to ensure prompt and cheerful service."
I called up another cab company and asked how much it would be to Ernestville.
"Dunno," said the voice.
Oh, for Christ sake, I thought.
"What do you wanna go there for?" demanded the voice.
"Pardon?"
"What do you wanna go to Ernestville for? Tain't nothin there."
"Well, actually we want to go to Spivey Gap. We're hiking the Appalachian Trail, you
see."
"Spivey Gap's another five miles."
"Yeah, I was just trying to get an idea... ."
"You shoulda said so 'cause Spivey Gap's another five miles."
"Well, how much would it be to Spivey Gap then?"
"Dunno."
"Excuse me, but is there some kind of gross stupidity requirement to be a cab driver in
Gatlinburg?"
"What?"
I hung up again and looked at Katz. "What is it with this town? I've blown more
intelligent life into a handkerchief."
I called up the third and final company and asked how much it would be to Ernestville.
"How much you got?" barked a feisty voice.
Now here was a guy I could do business with. I grinned and said, "I don't know. A
dollar fifty?"
There was a snort. "Well, it's gonna cost you more than that." A pause and the creak of
a chair going back. "It's gonna go on what's on the meter, you understand, but I expect
it'll be about twenty bucks, something like that. What do you wanna go to Ernestville for
anyway?"
I explained about Spivey Gap and the AT.
"Appalachian Trail? You must be a danged fool. What time you wanna go?"
"I don't know. How about now?"
"Where y'at?"
I told him the name of the motel.
"I'll be there in ten minutes. Fifteen minutes at the outside. If I'm not there in twenty
minutes, then go on ahead without me and I'll meet you at Ernestville." He hung up. We
had not only found a driver, we'd found a comedian.
While we waited on a bench outside the motel office, I bought a copy of the Nashville
Tennessean out of a metal box, just to see what was happening in the world. The
principal story indicated that the state legislature, in one of those moments of