‘You want to go home?’
I nodded.
‘Come, we can drop you at the subway station.’
I sat in a police car for the first time in my life. Five minutes later, he dropped me at the Clark
Street subway stop. I swiped my Metrocard and took the number 2 train to Chambers Street. Like a
corpse I reached home. Once inside, I sat on the sofa and looked at my hands; I still had the bouquet
and ring. I threw them on the floor and called home.
‘I miss you, mom,’ I said.
My mother sensed my sad, tired and devastated state.
‘What happened, beta?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Say what happened.’
‘Nothing. Just homesick.’
‘We miss you too.’
‘I love you, mom!’
‘Love you too, beta. It’s late, sleep now.’
‘Goodnight, mom.’
I lay down on the sofa and passed out.
‘Hey, what’s up, dealmaker? Come right on in,’ Jon said as I knocked at his office door.
I came in and sat down in front of him.
‘So, Jonathan told me,’ Jon said.
‘Yeah, I figured,’ I said.
‘Personal reasons?’ Jon said.
I nodded. I had sent in my resignation.
I had really tried to get back to normal. But New York wouldn’t let me. Every street, every
nook, every inch of Manhattan made me think of him. Hell, I was such a wreck that every
advertisement hoarding (because Debu worked in advertising, you see) made my heart sink. Every
restaurant menu took me back to dinners with him. Even in my own house the kitchen, the couch, the
bed, everything screamed his absence. I had no plan for the future. I only knew I couldn’t bear to be a
minute more in this city, where I had loved and lost the only man who loved me. I looked out of Jon’s
window. I saw the Hudson River, and the buildings of Brooklyn past it. Brooklyn—the word itself
made my eyes well up.
I swallowed hard. I hate girls who cry in the office. Let alone in front of a Goldman Sachs
partner. Don’t be a crybaby, I scolded myself.
‘Can I have some water?’ I said instead.
‘Sure,’ Jon said.
I poured myself a glass of water, took a slow sip but the tears slipped out anyway. I lifted the
glass higher to cover more of my face. It didn’t help. My body shook as I started to cry. Some of the
water spilled on his table.
‘I am sorry,’ I said.