T

27

he sun has a way of making everything visible, even your blunders. When dawn broke I opened
my eyes. I blinked, trying to orient myself. The seawater glistened in front of me but my mouth
felt parched. I felt a headache coming on. Water, I needed water. Neel lay next to me, fast asleep.
‘No way,’ I mumbled. ‘No way, Radhika. No way.’
I smacked my forehead. I found my clothes next to me. I wore them as quietly and quickly as
possible. I stood up, wondering if I should wake Neel up. I decided not to. I picked up the glasses and
the empty champagne bottle, the catalyst to last night’s disaster, and walked back. The sun rose higher.
I walked fast. I didn’t want to face Neel right now. In fact, I didn’t want to face him ever.
Back in my room I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
‘Fuck,’ I said out loud. ‘What the fuck have you done, Radhika?’
I lay there motionless. A million thoughts ran through my mind. What did I just do? I slept
with a partner at Goldman Sachs. I slept with a man twenty years older than me. I realized Neel
was just ten years younger than my father.
Radhika, how could you do it? Mini-me jumped out of her cave. All of a sudden, mini-me had
full authority.
There is something wrong, something totally fucked up about you. You are just a bloody
useless little idiot.
My happy mood from yesterday had evaporated. Life had just begun to sort itself out. I had
closed a great deal. I had been promoted. I had even somewhat gotten over Debu. All this had given
me a new shot of self-esteem. Now it meant nothing. I curled up in my bed in tears. Mini-me
continued to talk, or rather yell at me.
He’s fucking married. He has two kids. There is a wife. They are all waiting in Hong Kong,
where both of you live.
Yes, it was true. And I had known it all before. What was I thinking? Or rather, why was I not
thinking?
Life is not a private island in the Philippines, mini-me shouted at me.
I know, I know. I had nothing to counter my inner voice with.
This is why Debu left you. Something is wrong with you, seriously, you stupid, slutty bitch.
I sobbed. I don’t know why, but I cried and cried. I had crossed the line. Hell, I had not just
crossed, but jumped and leaped miles over the line.
You had one thing going for you, your career. Now you have fucked that up too, mini-me
said.
I berated myself for a long time. I realized I had to get up. I had to shower, pack and leave on a