‘What do you want me to say? Go see a counsellor? Work on your marriage? What?’ I typed
back.
‘Nothing. I am telling you facts from my side. All I want is for you to admit to some of your
feelings.’
‘Why? Why do you want to know my feelings?’ I replied.
‘Because even though this is totally wrong, the fact is I love you. Goodnight,’ Neel replied.
We didn’t talk in Seoul. We made love. We made crazy, crazy love. And we did the same when we
went on other business trips, ten more times in the next three months. Each time our intimacy felt
deeper than before. Despite feeling immoral, there was also the matter of my loneliness—he made me
feel less lonely. I wanted Neel in my life. Someone to treat me like I was special and make me feel
loved, every bit of me. Maybe I gave him something too. A bit of the youth he wanted to hold on to.
The lightness and brightness of me.
As our business trips increased, our guilt trips decreased. He said he and Kusum disagreed on
many things, from raising kids to how hard he should work. He said I accepted him the way he was.
With every night we spent, flight we shared and meal we had together, I felt closer to him. I still
showed some restraint. He told me ‘I love you’ every time we met. I never did. He never pushed me
to reciprocate either.
The Greenwood quest for more distressed hotels in Korea dragged on. They wanted to see
more options. We didn’t mind. It meant more trips to Seoul, more companies to look at and more Neel
to hold through the night.