T

33

he Goldman Sachs office in London is located on 133 Fleet Street. The office at Peterborough
Court is at the same site as the old Daily Telegraph building. Patricia, the group secretary,
settled me into my new cubicle. The British accent in the London office reminded me of Neel. When
you break up, it becomes a habit to remember everything about the man—with my second heartbreak I
had learnt this much. Neel was a habit, a bad habit rather, almost an addiction. Like smoking, when
you know it is bad for you but you can’t seem to leave it. I also learnt that you don’t get better at
handling heartbreaks. They suck every single time, even though this time was marginally better since I
had initiated the break-up. I battled the urge to email him, telling him I had arrived at the new place.
Why couldn’t he email me? Why couldn’t he call? Well, how could he? I had threatened to
expose him.
I missed his voice. I missed his eyes. I missed his touch. I missed all that he did to me, with
me, in bed. So what if he is married? He loves me, and love is what I need, right?
See, this is how your mind plays games with you. If it wants you to do something, it will find a
hundred reasons to justify it. What’s more, the reasons will even make sense. I picked up the internal
phone on my desk to call Neel.
The buzz on my cellphone disrupted my thoughts. In the past few months my mother had
discovered WhatsApp. She had sent me a message.
‘Checked profile?’
You won’t give up, will you? I wanted to type back.
‘Doing it, now,’ I replied instead.
I opened shaadi.com on my office laptop. The screen displayed happy faces of couples in
nuptial bliss, who had found each other on this website. Testimonials spoke of how a couple who met
on the site married within three months and were now expecting a child. Was finding love that
simple? Why did I find it difficult? Why did I have to complicate everything? Or was there something
wrong with me?
I logged on to the account my mother had set up. The page opened to a summary of my profile.
She had used a picture of mine from India Gate, the one I took when I visited Delhi last time. A
shadow fell on my face in the photo. My eyes were half-closed. She could not have chosen a worse
picture.
I read my profile.

Hi, I am a young, slim, quite fair, Punjabi Khatri girl aged 26, 5’4” tall. I am currently

working in London, but flexible to move anywhere with my husband. I am family-