113longer need the “rage signal.” You can see evil coming your way
and prevent it from harming you by your boundaries.
Don’t fear the rage you discover when you first begin your
boundary development. It is the protest of earlier parts of your
soul. Those parts need to be unveiled, understood, and loved by
God and people. And then you need to take responsibility for
healing them and developing better boundaries.
Boundaries Decrease Anger
This brings us to an important point about anger: The more
biblical our boundaries are, the less anger we experience! Indi-
viduals with mature boundaries are the least angry people in the
world. While those who are just beginning boundary work see
their anger increase, this passes as boundaries grow and develop.
Why is this? Remember the “early warning system” function
of anger. We feel it when we are violated. If you can prevent
boundary violation in the first place, you don’t need the anger.
You are more in control of your life and values.
Tina resented her husband’s coming home forty-five min-
utes late to dinner every night. She had a hard time keeping the
food hot; the kids were hungry and crabby, and their evening
study schedule was thrown off. Things changed, however, when
she began serving dinner on time, with or without her husband.
He came home to refrigerated leftovers that he had to reheat
and eat alone. Three or four “sessions” like this prompted Tina’s
husband to tear himself away from work earlier!
Tina’s boundary (eating with the kids on time) kept her from
feeling violated and victimized. She got her needs met, the kids’
needs met, and she didn’t feel angry anymore. The old saying,
“Don’t get mad. Just get even” isn’t accurate. It’s far better to
say, “Don’t get mad. Set a limit!”
Myth #6: When Others Set Boundaries, It Injures Me
“Randy, I’m sorry, but I can’t lend you the money,” Pete
said. “This is just a bad time for me.”
Common Boundary Myths