129Another reason is that we may not have gone through the
biblical transition into adulthood and the spiritual adoption into
the family of God. Let’s look at both.
Continuation of Old Boundary Problems
Remember the story about the alien? He had grown up on
another planet and was unfamiliar with the laws of Earth, such
as gravity and money as a medium of exchange.
The patterns you learn at home growing up are continued into
adulthood with the same players: lack of consequences for irre-
sponsible behavior, lack of confrontation, lack of limits, taking
responsibility for others instead of yourself, giving out of compul-
sion and resentment, envy, passivity, and secrecy. These patterns
are not new, they have just never been confronted and repented of.
These patterns run deep. Your family members are the ones
you learned to organize your life around, so they are able to send
you back to old patterns by their very presence. You begin to act
automatically out of memory instead of growth.
To change, you must identify these “sins of the family” and
turn from them. You must confess them as sins, repent of them,
and change the way you handle them. The first step in estab-
lishing boundaries is becoming aware of old family patterns that
you are still continuing in the present.
Look at the struggles you are having with boundaries in your
family of origin, identify which laws are being broken, and then
pinpoint the resulting negative fruit in your life.
Adoption
This is not a book about spiritual development, but bound-
aries are an essential aspect of growing up. One step in growing
up is coming out from under parental authority and putting
yourself under God’s authority.
The Bible says that children are under the authority of their
parents until they become adults (Gal. 4:1–7). In a real sense
their parents are responsible for them. But when adulthood and
the “age of accountability” comes, that person comes out from
Boundaries and Your Family