177Pat’s parents allowed their daughter to experience safe suf-
fering. At the start of senior high, they gave Pat an entire semes-
ter’s allowance. Pat was responsible for paying for her school
meals, clothing, social outings, and extracurricular activities. The
amount was enough for this and a little more. On the surface it
looked like a teenager’s dream—all this money and no restric-
tions on how she spent it!
The first semester Pat bought some beautiful outfits. She
went out to lots of functions with her friends. And she even
treated them several times. That lasted for about one month out
of the three and a half. The next two and a half months were lean
ones. Pat stayed home a lot, saving her remaining money for
school lunches, and she wore her new outfits over and over again.
The next semester was better—and by the beginning of her
sophomore year, she had established a bank account and a work-
able budget. Pat was developing boundaries. Normally a bud-
ding shopping addict, she began saying no to clothes, CDs, food,
and magazines that normally would have been a minimum
requirement for her. She began learning to take responsibility
for her own life. And she didn’t end up like many college grad-
uates who, after years of having someone else bail them out,
can’t cook, clean, or keep a checkbook balanced.
It’s important to tie consequences as closely to the actions of
the child as possible. This best replicates real life.
Homework projects are another area in which parents can
either help the child take on responsibility—or create the illusion
of the eternal, omnipresent parent who will always take up the
slack. It’s difficult when your child comes to you tearfully, saying,
“I have a ten-page report due tomorrow—and I just started.” Our
impulse, as loving parents, is to bail them out by doing the
research, or the organization, or the typing. Or all three.
Why do we do this? Because we love our kids. We long for
the best for them just as God longs for the best for us. And yet,
just as God allows us to experience our failures, we may need to
let our kids mar a good report card with a bad grade. This is
often the consequence of not planning ahead.
Boundaries and Your Children