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of a consistory meeting, he said, “I never wanted to be a pastor
anyway. It was my mother’s wish, not mine.” He did not have
good enough boundaries with his mother to define his own
career path. As a result, he had fused with her wishes and was
miserable. His heart had not been in it from the start.
This can happen also with friends and culture. Others’
expectations can be very strong influences. You must make sure
that your boundaries are strong enough that you do not let oth-
ers define you. Instead, work with God to find out who you
really are and what kind of work you are made for. Romans 12:2
speaks of having boundaries against these kinds of pressures
from others: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this
world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then
you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his
good, pleasing and perfect will.” You should have a realistic
expectation of yourself based on who you really are, your own
true self with your own particular giftedness. You can only do
this with boundaries that stand up and say, “This is me, and that
is not me.” Stand up against others’ expectations of you.
Finding Your Life’s Work
Finding your life’s work involves taking risks. First you need
to firmly establish your identity, separating yourself from those
you are attached to and following your desires. You must take
ownership of how you feel, how you think, and what you want.
You must assess your talents and limitations. And then you must
begin to step out as God leads you.
For God wants you to discover and use your gifts to his glory.
He asks only that you include him in the process: “Delight your-
self in the LORDand he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this”
(Ps. 37:4–5).
God also, however, calls you to be accountable for what you
do: “Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see,
but know that for all these things God will bring you to judg-
ment” (Eccl. 11:9).
Boundaries