217and it rebels. Especially after we make statements such as, “I
will never” and “I will always,” we act out with a vengeance. Jes-
sica’s indulgence in food, Pete’s indulgence in money, someone
else’s indulgence in foolish or slanderous conversation, or still
another’s determination never to be late on a project again will
not be healed by “white-knuckling it.”
Establishing Boundaries with Yourself
Learning to be mature in self-boundaries is not easy. Many
obstacles hinder our progress; however, God desires our matu-
rity and self-control even more than we do. He’s on our team as
an exhorter, encourager, and implorer (1 Thess. 2:11–12). One
way to begin developing limits on out-of-control behavior is to
apply a modified version of the boundary checklist we used in
Chapter 8:
- What are the symptoms? Look at the destructive fruit you
may be exhibiting by not being able to say no to yourself. You
may be experiencing depression, anxiety, panic, phobias, rage,
relationship struggles, isolation, work problems, or psychoso-
matic problems.
All of these symptoms can be related to a difficulty in setting
limits on your own behavior. Use them as a road map to begin
identifying the particular boundary problem you’re having. - What are the roots? Identifying the causes of your self-
boundary problems will assist you in understanding your own
contribution to the problem (how you have sinned), your develop-
mental injuries (how you have been sinned against), and the signif-
icant relationships that may have contributed to the problem.
Some possible roots of self-boundary conflicts include:
Lack of training. Some people never learned to accept lim-
its, to pay the consequences of their actions, or to delay gratifi-
cation when they were growing up. For example, they may never
have experienced any consequences for dawdling as a child.
Rewarded destructiveness. People who come from families
in which the mom or dad was an alcoholic may have learned that
Boundaries and Your Self