225their developmental processes have been damaged or interrupted
by abuse. The most primary damage done is that the victim loses
a sense of trust. Trust, the ability to depend on ourselves and oth-
ers in times of need, is a basic spiritual and emotional survival
need. We need to be able to trust our own perceptions of reality
and to be able to let significant people matter to us.
Our ability to trust ourselves is based on our experience of
others as trustworthy. People who are “like a tree planted by
streams of water” (Ps. 1:3) feel firm because of the streams of
love coming from God and others in their life.
Victims often lose a sense of trust because the perpetrator
was someone they knew as children, someone who was impor-
tant to them. When the relationship became damaging to them,
their sense of trust became broken.
Another damaging effect of abuse or molestation is the destruc-
tion of a sense of ownership over the victim’s soul. In fact, victims
often feel that they are public property—that their resources, body,
and time should be available to others just for the asking.
Another injury due to victimization is a deep, pervasive
sense of being “all-bad,” wrong, dirty, or shameful. No matter
how affirming others are of their loveableness and their attrib-
utes, victims are convinced that, underneath it all, there is no
good inside themselves. Because of the severity of their injuries,
many victims have overpermeable boundaries. They take on
badness that isn’t theirs. They begin believing that the way they
were treated is the way they should be treated. Many victims
think that, since they were told they were bad or evil thousands
of times, it certainly must be true.
Boundaries as an Aid to the Victim
Boundary work as described in this book can be extremely
helpful in moving victims toward restoration and healing. How-
ever, in many cases the severe nature of the need is such that
the victim will be unable to set boundareis without professional
help. We strongly urge abuse victims to seek out a counselor
who can guide them in establishing and maintaining appropri-
ate boundaries.
Boundaries and Your Self