249Remember the story of Moses’ impending burnout in Exo-
dus 18. Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, saw all that he was doing
for the people and told Moses to delegate some of the work so
that he could better meet the needs of the people.
Learn what your limits are, give what you have “decided in
your heart” to give, and send other people in need to those who
can help them. Empathize with these people’s situations. They
often need to know that you see their needs as valid and that
they really do need help. And pray for them. This is the most
loving thing you can do for the pain and needs around you that
you can’t meet.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Many people have a problem determining the difference
between forgiveness and reconciliation. They fail to deal with
external resistance because they feel that they have to give in to
the other person again or they are not being forgiving. In fact,
many people are afraid to forgive because they equate that with
letting down their boundaries one more time and giving the
other person the power to hurt them again.
The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need
to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. For-
giveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release some-
one from a debt that they owe us. We write off the person’s
debt, and she no longer owes us. We no longer condemn her.
She is clean. Only one party is needed for forgiveness: me. The
person who owes me a debt does not have to ask my forgiveness.
It is a work of grace in my heart.
This brings us to the second principle: we do not always
achieve reconciliation. God forgave the world, but the whole
world is not reconciled to him. Although he may have forgiven
all people, all people have not owned their sin and appropriated
his forgiveness. That would be reconciliation. Forgiveness takes
one; reconciliation takes two.
We do not open ourselves up to the other party until we
have seen that she has truly owned her part of the problem. So
Resistance to Boundaries