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15. How to Measure Success with Boundaries
J
ean sat at her kitchen table, teacup in hand, amazed. It was an
unfamiliar sensation, but a pleasant one. Her mind wandered
back to the events of the morning.
Her eight-year-old son Bryan had begun the day with his
usual waking-up shenanigans. He sulked and pouted his way to
the breakfast table, announcing, “I’m not going to school—and
no one’s going to make me!”
Normally Jean would have either tried to talk Bryan into
attending school, or blown up at him in frustration. However,
this morning was different. Jean simply said, “You’re right,
Honey. No one can make you go to school. That has to be some-
thing you choose to do. However, if you don’t choose to go to
school, you are choosing to stay in your room all day with no TV.
But that’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself, like you
did last week.”
Bryan hesitated in his tantrum. He was thinking about when
Mom had made him stay in his room and miss dinner when he
had refused to set the table. Finally, he said, “Well, I’ll go—but
I don’t have to like it!”
“Absolutely,” Jean agreed. “You don’t have to like a lot of
things like school. But I’m sure you’ve made the right choice.”
She helped Bryan on with his jacket and watched him walk to
the carpool ride outside.
Not ten minutes later, Jean had received a call from her hus-
band, Jerry, who had driven to work early. “Honey,” he said. “I
just found out I have a meeting after work. The last time I
