268showed up late for dinner, there wasn’t any. Think you could
save some this time?”
Jean laughed. “Last time, you never called me to let me
know. I really appreciate your telling me in advance. I’ll feed the
kids, and you and I’ll eat together later.”
My son makes it to school, even with a cranky attitude. My
husband calls me to inform me about schedule changes. I’m
dreaming, aren’t I, Lord?
Jean wasn’t dreaming. She was, for the first time in her life,
experiencing the rewards of setting and maintaining clear
boundaries in her life. A great deal of hard work and risk-taking
had gone into them. But it was worth it. She rose up from the
table and began to ready herself for work.
Jean saw visible, demonstrable proof that her boundary work
was bearing fruit in her life. Things were different. But how did
she get from Point A (boundarylessness) to Point B (mature
boundaries)? Can we measure our boundary development?
Yes. Specific, orderly changes herald the emerging of mature
boundaries. It’s helpful to be aware of them. The following
eleven steps allow you to measure your growth—to see where
you are in your development. Use this chapter as a guide to the
next step in your growth.Step #1: Resentment—Our Early-Warning Signal
Randy had never before felt irritated at his best friend Will’s
sarcastic digs. Resentment was a new sensation for him. Being
the butt of the jokes had always been easy for him. “Good-
natured Randy” could roll with the punches.
But when Will came up to him at church and said in front of
several observers, “Are you buying smaller clothes—or putting
on weight?” Randy didn’t laugh it off. He said nothing to his
friend, but the remark stuck inside him. He was embarrassed
and hurt. He couldn’t shake it off as he had for so many years.
This never got to me before, Randy thought to himself. Why
is it getting to me this time? Maybe I’m getting too sensitive.
One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop
boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the
Boundaries