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that the holy, just God about whom they read in the Old Testa-
ment isn’t so bad or scary. He just has very clear boundaries: “As
the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher
than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isa. 55:9).
Step #3: Joining the Family
As we find our tastes changing, from boundary-muddied
relationships to more clearly defined people, we begin develop-
ing close and meaningful connections with people who have
clear boundaries. We begin either growing in boundaries in our
present relationships, or finding new attachments in which to
invest, or both. This is a crucial phase in boundary development.
Why is it so important to join the boundaried family? Mainly
because as with any spiritual discipline, boundaries can’t be
worked on in a vacuum. We need others with the same biblical
values of limit setting and responsibility to encourage us, prac-
tice with us, and stay with us. That’s what Wayne discovered.
Wayne couldn’t believe the change. Over the past few
months, he’d become aware of his lack of boundaries at work.
While other employees went home on time, he was frequently
asked to stay later. He wanted to stand up to his boss and let him
know that his work limits were going to become tighter and
more realistic. But every time he approached his superior, his
anxiety kept him tongue-tied and silent.
Wayne despaired of ever developing mature work bound-
aries. About this time, he joined a support group at church. His
relationships in the group deepened, and he began to trust the
members. Finally, he was able to emotionally “take them with
him” to work the day he sat down with his boss and worked out
the overtime conflict. It was the safety and support of the group
that gave Wayne the strength he needed to tell the truth at work.
Jesus defined fellowship as two or three people gathered in
his name, saying that he would be there in their midst (Matt.
18:20). It is this very combination of his Spirit and the emotional
memories of those who believe in us that helps us keep firm
boundaries. Why? Because we know we have a spiritual and
Boundaries