291Leaving the house, they started on their pre-dinner walk
around the block. It mainly consisted of Sherrie’s listening to
Amy chatter about school, books, and friends. All the things
she’d yearned to be able to discuss with her daughter. The walk
was always too short.
It hadn’t always been like that. After a Christian therapist
had seen Amy and the family about her withdrawal, he’d noticed
that Todd’s misbehavior monopolized the family’s attention.
Amy wasn’t a squeaky wheel, so she received less time with
Sherrie and Walt.
Gradually, she’d withdrawn into herself. There just wasn’t
anyone in the house to give her anything. Her world had
become her bedroom.
Noting the problem, Sherrie and Walt had made special
attempts to make sure Amy was encouraged to talk about her
issues—even if they weren’t the crises Todd was in.
Over time, like a flower opening up to the light, Amy began
interacting with her parents once again. She was beginning to
connect like a normal little girl would. The boundary work that
Sherrie and Walt did with Todd was part of Amy’s healing
process, too.
7:00 P.M.
Halfway through dinner, the phone rang. After the third
ring, the answering machine screened the caller. “Sherrie, this
is Phyllis, from church. Can you pitch in for the retreat next
month?”
The answering machine was the answer to dinner’s disruptions.
The family’s boundary was “no phone conversations until dinner is
through.” And the family time at the table was richer for it.
Sherrie made a mental note to call Phyllis later that evening
and regretfully decline. She and Walt were having a couple’s
weekend during those days. It helped keep them honeymooning.
Interestingly enough, when Sherrie’s boundary work had
first begun, she’d started backing off from church commitments
to sort out her chaotic life. Now, however, she was sensing more
A Day in a Life with Boundaries