292of a desire to be involved in a couple of ministries to which she
felt called. It’s like comforting as I’ve been comforted, she
thought to herself. But she realized that she’d probably never be
as available to Phyllis as Phyllis wanted. But that was between
Phyllis and God. Sherrie was out of that particular loop.7:45 P.M.
The kids and Walt cleared the table. They didn’t want to
miss the next night’s dinner any more than they had breakfast!
9:30 P.M.
The kids were in bed with their homework assignments
done. They had even had some play time before bed. Walt and
Sherrie sat down together with a cup of coffee. They talked qui-
etly about each other’s day. They laughed over the goofups,
commiserated over the failures, planned the weekend, and
talked about the kids. They looked into each others’ eyes—glad
the other one was there.
A miracle of miracles. And a hard-won one. Sherrie had had
to go to therapy herself, along with joining a church support
group. It had taken a long time to move out of her “Loving Walt
Out of His Anger” modality. Her boundaries had needed much
practice with safe people before she was ready to confront her
husband.
And it had been a scary time. Walt hadn’t known what to do
with a wife who could set limits, who would say to him, “Just so
you’ll know in advance. It hurts me and distances me from you
when you cruelly criticize me in public. If you continue, I’ll con-
front you on it immediately. And I’ll take a cab home. I won’t
live a lie anymore. And I will protect myself from now on.”
Here was a wife who would no longer take responsibility for
Walt’s tantrums and withdrawal, who would say, “If you won’t talk
to me about your unhappiness, I’ll back off. I’ll be with a couple
of my friends if you want to talk.” This was a difficult adjustment,
for Walt was used to Sherrie’s drawing him out, soothing his ruf-
fled feathers, and apologizing for being imperfect.
Boundaries