313threat is totally enforceable because it has to do with her.She
would be setting a boundary with the only person she could con-
trol: herself.
When you build a fence around your yard, you do not build it
to figure out the boundaries of your neighbor’s yard so that you
can dictate to him how he is to behave. You build it around your
own yard so that you can maintain control of what happens to
your own property. Personal boundaries do the same. If some-
one trespasses your personal boundaries in some way, you can
take control of yourself and not allow yourself to be controlled,
or hurt, anymore. This is self-control.
And ultimately, self-control serves love, not selfishness. We
hope that when you take control of yourself, you will love better
and more purposefully and intentionally so that you and your
spouse can have the intimacy you desire.
Examples of Boundaries
In the physical world, many boundaries define property and
protect it. Fences surround homes. Homes are built in gated
communities. Most homes have doors and locks. In the old days,
people even had moats with alligators.
In the immaterial world of souls and relationships, boundaries
are different. You would look funny with a moat around your
heart, and the alligators would require a lot of maintenance. So
God has equipped us with special boundaries for the interper-
sonal realm. Let’s look at some.
Words
The most basic boundary is language. Your words help define
you. They tell the other person who you are, what you believe,
what you want, and what you don’t. Here are some examples of
words being used as boundaries:
- No, I don’t want to do that.
- No, I won’t participate in that.
- Yes, I want to do that.
What’s a Boundary, Anyway?