I

October 18th

FRENEMIES

“There’s    nothing worse   than    a   wolf    befriending sheep.  Avoid   false   friendship  at  all costs.  If  you

are good,   straightforward,    and well    meaning it  should  show    in  your    eyes    and not escape  notice.”

—MARCUS AURELIUS,   MEDITATIONS,    11.15

t’s pretty obvious that one should keep away from the wicked and two-faced as much as possible—the
jealous friend, the narcissistic parent, the untrustworthy partner. At first glance, Marcus Aurelius is
reminding us to avoid false friends.
But what if we turn it around? What if, instead, we ask about the times that we have been false to our
friends? Ultimately that’s what Stoicism is about—not judging other people’s behavior, but judging our
own.
We’ve all been a frenemy at one point or another. We’ve been nice to their face—usually because
there was something in it for us—but later, in different company, we said how we really felt. Or we’ve
strung someone along, cared only when things were going well, or declined to help even though someone
really needed us.
This behavior is beneath us—and worth remembering the next time we accuse someone else of being a
bad friend.