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December    8th

DON’T   HIDE    FROM    YOUR    FEELINGS

“It’s   better  to  conquer grief   than    to  deceive it.”

—SENECA,    ON  CONSOLATION TO  HELVIA, 17.1b

e’ve all lost people we were close to—a friend, a colleague, a parent, a grandparent. While we
were suffering from our grief, some well-meaning person did their best to take our mind off it or
make us think about something else for a couple hours. However kind, these gestures are misguided.
The Stoics are stereotyped as suppressing their emotions, but their philosophy was actually intended
to teach us to face, process, and deal with emotions immediately instead of running from them. Tempting
as it is to deceive yourself or hide from a powerful emotion like grief—by telling yourself and other
people that you’re fine—awareness and understanding are better. Distraction might be pleasant in the
short term—by going to gladiatorial games, as a Roman might have done, for example. Focusing is better
in the long term.
That means facing it now. Process and parse what you are feeling. Remove your expectations, your
entitlements, your sense of having been wronged. Find the positive in the situation, but also sit with your
pain and accept it, remembering that it is a part of life. That’s how one conquers grief.