- What most people don’t realize is that a typical “but” statement is
unnecessarily limitng and negatve. This becomes more apparent if you take
out “but” and then insert “and” instead. Take the frst example in the list above
- “I’d love to go on vacaton, but I’m scared to fy.”
- Swap “but” for “and” and you notce the diference immediately:
- “I’d love to go on vacaton, and I’m scared to fy.”
- The revised version suggests that the speaker just so happens to be afraid of
fying, plus they want to go on vacaton. It’s a subtle diference but it maters!
It implicates that the person has a desire plus a problem to be solved, rather
than a desire that will be thwarted by their problem.
- When I start working with a client, I ofen notce that they parrot the same old
“but” statements repeatedly.
- They become our own personal stories – excuses that we don’t queston. We
assume that they are true and take them to heart as the gospel truth. These
intrinsic beliefs become somewhat akin to a script. The more you repeat them,
the further entrenched you are in the role of someone who would love to
change their life yet cannot do so because they are held back by a single factor
beyond their control.