When to use “I”
Too much “I” talk will not endear you to anyone, but sometmes it’s the best approach.
Here’s when you should use it:
When you are being assertve: If you are standing up for your rights, using “I” draws a frm line between you and someone
else, allowing you to state exactly how the situaton makes you feel.
Let’s suppose that your partner fails to do their fair share of the household chores. Instead of listng their faults in an
aggressive manner and telling them that they need to change immediately, it would be more efectve to use “I” talk to
explain how their actons have made you feel.
Someone can argue with your interpretaton of their actons, but they can’t argue with your own feelings. “I” statements
are less infammatory than accusatons beginning with “you.”
To contnue with the above example, it would be beter to say, “I feel undervalued when I come home to fnd that you
have not cleaned the kitchen afer you promised to do so” than “You don’t do anything, and the house is a complete mess!”
When you want to introduce a potentally controversial opinion: If you are talking about a sensitve topic, such as religion
or politcs, it’s a good idea to communicate to everyone listening that you can tolerate other people’s opinions. Your views are
your own and do not represent those of everyone else.To avoid appearing rude, do not present your opinion as fact – preface it with an “I.” Countless arguments could be
prevented if only people took a second to acknowledge that not everyone feels the way they do, and that diferences are
okay.
When you want to claim credit for an idea: In most cases, it’s to your advantage to work with others when coming up with a
plan or new idea. You will be more popular if you are willing to work as part of a team.However, sometmes it’s beter to establish that you alone deserve the credit. For example, if you are aiming for a
promoton at work and your manager values self-sufciency, use “I” when talking about your ideas.