LEARN COMMUNICATION.
Day 9: Stop Trying To Score Points
I’ll admit it, I like being right – and I’m not the only one who feels this way! We all have our own points of view, and it’s gratfying
when we know (or rather, think we know) best.
The trouble comes when we set out to prove the validity of our opinion just for the sake of scoring points or making someone else
confess that they were in the wrong all along.Don’t be too harsh on yourself if you’ve ever spent hours trying to browbeat someone into acceptng your perspectve on an issue or
situaton. We’ve all done it. It wasn’t untl my mid-twentes that I gave up on the idea of “winning” every and any debate.
When I was younger, I thought that I had somehow lost, or shown myself to be weak, unless I forced my poor opponent to concede that I
was “right.” Half the tme, I didn’t even care that much about the topic under discussion. My key concern was proving how much beter
I was than everyone else in the room. Looking back, I’m embarrassed for my younger self. He was so busy trying to convince everyone
of his so-called intelligence that he missed out on the chance to build some good friendships and romantc relatonships.I used to wonder why my dates rarely developed into something more. It seems so obvious in hindsight! Not many women tolerate
self-righteous men who enjoy telling them why their views are totally wrong. Needless to say, a confrontatonal approach doesn’t lay
the groundwork for a good friendship or romantc relatonship, and it can drive your relatves crazy, too. It’s fun to have a debate every
now and then, but frequent sparring is exhaustng. You know the old saying, “Sometmes, it’s more important to be happy than it is to
be right”? That’s what I’m talking about here. Let go of the inconsequental litle arguments and save your reasoning abilites for the
stuf that actually maters.
Let me be clear on what I mean in this chapter. I’m not talking about those instances where you actually need to change someone’s
mind. For example, if your spouse wants to move to the city whereas you think it’s far beter for both of you to remain in the country,
you would need to make a case against the move. That’s common sense.If you want other people to like you and open up to you, it’s unwise to impose your views on them for the sake of winning an argument.
By all means exchange opinions and ideas but watch out for that moment you make the transiton between constructve conversaton
and pety debate.