Why point scoring is, well, pointless
Bear in mind that point scoring rarely works anyway. The harder you push someone, and the more aggressive you are in insistng
that you are in the right and they are in the wrong, the more likely it is that they will start to shut down. There is a sound
neurological reason for this phenomenon. When we fnd ourselves in a threatening situaton, our fght or fight refex kicks
into high gear.
Actvity levels in the parts of the brain responsible for logical thought and reasoning drop, and the areas related to confict are
triggered to act. The result? We become less and less interested in actually evaluatng the evidence someone else provides
and instead concentrate on fghtng back. This is why two people can be having a ratonal conversaton one minute then a
short tme later be shoutng and screaming at one another.
Even if you do “win” an argument, you might sufer in the long run. You can never be certain
whether someone gives in because you have managed to convince them of your point of view, or they have just stopped
engaging with you because they are tred of the whole situaton. Confict can lead to resentment when there are issues lef
unresolved. Just because you have apparently succeeded in bulldozing your opponent doesn’t mean that they are going to
forget it any tme soon.
If you want to preserve your relatonship, make sure that any important underlying issues have
actually been resolved. Tune in to your emotonal state. If you feel tense, angry, or want to punch a wall, it’s a safe bet that
whatever comes out of your mouth isn’t going to be helpful or constructve.
Another key sign that you are more interested in scoring points than having a fruitul discussion is a sudden realizaton that you
can’t even remember what started the fght in the frst place – and you don’t even care! If you stll aren’t convinced, think
how much more relaxed you’ll feel if you drop the idea that you always have to have the last word.
Wouldn’t it be nice to know that if someone holds a view that doesn’t align with your own, you are under no obligaton to start
dissectng everything they say? If you crave the excitement of a fery argument, then why not join a philosophy discussion
group or debatng society? Choose a more constructve outlet for your dramatc nature. Don’t let it ruin your relatonships.