“I’ve been feeling quite lonely lately. It seems like my family doesn’t care what I’m doing or whether I’m even happy.”
Here are two potental replies. Which do you think would help your friend feel truly heard, and which would make them feel
really annoyed?
“So, you feel like they aren’t giving you much atenton right now?” Or “You’ve been feeling lonely lately, and like your family
doesn’t care what you’re doing?”
The second response shows that you heard the actual words, but it also sounds downright weird! Your friend might wonder
if she’s been talking to a parrot instead of a normal human being. I prefer the frst response since it refects an absorpton of
the meaning behind the words in additon to the words themselves.
Put It Into Practce.
Your challenge for today is to phone a friend or relatve you haven’t seen or spoken to in a while, and then use the
conversaton as an opportunity to practce your actve listening skills. You don’t need to be on the phone for hours, just try a
20-minute catchup. Ask them what they’ve been doing lately and strive to listen atentvely. You might be shocked to
discover how ofen you slip into bad listening habits. Aferwards, reread this chapter and make an honest assessment of
how you did.
This exercise also comes with a nice bonus. By phoning your friend or relatve, you can build and improve your relatonship.
Recall the last tme someone called you up unexpectedly and truly wanted to know how you were doing. It felt good, didn’t
it? You felt valued. The person you call is going to feel the same way. Maybe you could even make it a habit to phone them
on a regular basis.