relationshipsorcontinuingtopursuethephantomofanideal
partnerasananswer toyour problems ora means offelling
fulfilled? The opportunity that is concealed within every
crisis does not manifest until all the facts of any given
situation are acknowledged and fully accepted. As long as
you deny them, as long as you try to escape from them or
wish that things were different, the window of opportunity
does not open up, and you remain trapped inside that
situation,whichwillremainthesameordeterioratefurther.
With the acknowledgment and acceptance of the facts
also comes a degree of freedom from them. For example,
when you know there is disharmony and you hold that
"knowing,"throughyourknowinganewfactorhascomein,
and the disharmony cannot remain unchanged. When you
knowyouarenotatpeace,yourknowingcreatesastillspace
thatsurroundsyournonpeaceinalovingandtenderembrace
and then transmutes your nonpeace into peace. As far as
inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can
doaboutit.Youcannottransformyourself,andyoucertainly
cannot transform your partner or anybodyelse. All you can
do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace
andlovetoenter.

§

So whenever your relationship is not working, whenever it
bringsoutthe"madness"inyouandinyourpartner,beglad.
What was unconsciousisbeingbrought upto thelight.It is
an opportunity for salvation. Every moment, hold the
knowing of that moment,particularly of your inner state.If
thereisanger,knowthat thereisanger.If thereis jealousy,
defensiveness, the urge to argue, the need to be right, an
innerchilddemandinglove andattention,or emotional pain
of any kind — whatever it is, know the reality of that