INTRODUCTION

world to become sane, or for somebody else to become
conscious, before you can be enlightened. You may wait
forever.Donotaccuseeachotherofbeingunconscious.The
momentyoustarttoargue,youhaveidentifiedwithamental
position and are now defending not only that position but
also your sense of self. The ego is in charge. You have
becomeunconscious.Attimes,itmaybeappropriatetopoint
outcertainaspectsofyourpartner'sbehavior.Ifyouarevery
alert, very present, you can do so without ego involvement
—withoutblaming,accusing,ormakingtheotherwrong.
When your partner behaves unconsciously, relinquish
all judgment. Judgment is either to confuse someone's
unconscious behavior with who they are or to project your
own unconsciousness onto another person and mistake that
forwhotheyare.Torelinquishjudgment doesnotmeanthat
youdonotrecognizedysfunctionandunconsciousnesswhen
youseeit. It means"being the knowing"ratherthan"being
the reaction" and the judge. You will then either be totally
free of reaction or you may react and still be the knowing,
thespaceinwhichthereactioniswatchedandallowedtobe.
Instead of fighting the darkness, you bring in the light.
Instead of reacting to delusion, you see the delusion yet at
the same time look throughit. Being the knowing creates a
clear space of loving presence that allows all things and all
people to be as they are. No greater catalyst for
transformation exists. If you practice this, your partner
cannotstaywithyouandremainunconscious.
If you both agree that the relationship will be your
spiritual practice, so much the better.You can then express
your thoughts and feelings to each other as soon as they
occur, orassoonasareactioncomes up,sothatyoudonot
create a time gap in which an unexpressed or
unacknowledgedemotion or grievance can fester and grow.
Learn to giveexpression to what you feel without blaming.
Learntolistentoyourpartnerinanopen,nondefensiveway.
Giveyourpartnerspaceforexpressinghimselforherself.Be
present.Accusing,defending,attacking—allthosepatterns