I grew up in the Rocky Mountains
of Colorado and spent much of
my childhood hiking, skiing, and
otherwise exploring outdoors. I
was fascinated by the mountains,
streams, and canyons, so I de-
cided to study geology at college.
I loved my program and was ex-
cited when I had the opportunity
to participate in summer field
research. One summer, I spent
nearly 3 months hiking every day
and living in a rustic cabin. It was
a great experience. My other sum-
mer in the field, however, was not.
I was hired to work alongside
my supervisor and one other
undergraduate field assistant.
Before we went into the field, I
overheard the student telling oth-
ers I was a slow hiker and that
he hoped I wouldn’t show up. It
wasn’t the first time he had disparaged my physical or in-
tellectual abilities. Our supervisor didn’t know our history
before hiring us for the project. I desperately wanted to
tell him about it, but I needed the research experience and
I did not want him to second-guess hiring me.
Once we were in the field, the other student never missed
an opportunity to play the game of one-upmanship. He
argued with me constantly. No matter what I said, he
voiced an opposite position. The more it happened, the
quieter I became. After a few weeks of misery, I could see
that my supervisor was starting to have doubts about me,
mistaking my silence for incompetence. Sensing his disap-
pointment in me, I began to believe I wasn’t cut out to be
a scientist.
Although I felt deeply uncomfortable with our team dy-
namics, I didn’t want to work alone. We were in a remote
area with rugged terrain, and I worried one of us might
get injured and need help. I was also uneasy about en-countering the locals alone. One
man we had crossed paths with
earlier in the summer had mut-
tered something about seeing a
woman and joked that he thought
my rock hammer was a weapon.
But when our supervisor left a
few weeks early, the other student
suggested we split up to cover
more ground. I protested, telling
him I was uncomfortable working
alone. But he countered that I was
paranoid. I felt I had no choice
but to agree.
A week later, I spotted the bear.
At first I was terrified. But when it
quickly ran away, simply because
I was standing there, my feel-
ings started to change. I realized
that if a wild animal feared me, I
wasn’t powerless after all. I went
back to camp with the confidence
I needed to stand up to the real threat I faced that sum-
mer: the other student.
That evening, after he criticized the way I was setting
up the camp table for dinner, I threw the table legs down
and told him how disgusted I was with how he’d treated
me. He didn’t apologize, but I felt better after getting it off
my chest. I realized that in the future I need to address
problems head-on rather than internalizing them and let-
ting them affect my self-confidence.
I am now in grad school, thanks in part to a support-
ive female mentor. I haven’t faced any other dangerous
beasts, but I assume I will someday. And the next time I
do confront a bear, cougar, or menacing colleague, I won’t
turn around and run. jManya Ruckhaus is a master’s student at the University of
Vermont. Do you have an interesting career story to share?
Send it to [email protected].“I realized that if a wild
animal feared me,
I wasn’t powerless after all.”
Standing my ground
W
hen I saw the black bear emerge from the trees, I knew I shouldn’t turn around and flee.
So I held my ground in spite of my fear. It was a moment I’d been dreading for months. I’d
been hired as an undergraduate field assistant to do geology work in an area with healthy
populations of bears and cougars. I went into the summer not wanting to be alone in the
field, fearing I’d encounter a potentially deadly animal. But bears and cougars turned out
to be the least of my problems. I spent 6 weeks working alongside a male colleague who
constantly belittled my abilities, leaving me mentally exhausted and questioning whether I belonged
in the field. My encounter with the bear, in contrast, turned out to be empowering.By Manya RuckhausILLUSTRATION: ROBERT NEUBECKER250 9 JULY 2021 • VOL 373 ISSUE 6551 sciencemag.org SCIENCEWORKING LIFE
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